I have an odd sense of humor. Luckily, so does my ex-husband. When we were married, we’d always try to trip each other up as if we’d forgotten each other’s birthday or our anniversary. We started out stupidly and sincerely negligent a few times but then it slowly developed into a game…into one of those ridiculously unspoken jokes that you can never discuss (or it ruins the whole effect). It gradually evolved into annual competition to see who could freak the other person out by demonstrating self-absorption and a complete lack of awareness.

The only consolation we had was knowing that we loved each other dearly and we were only trying to outdo the other person with our clever shenanigans. It was subtle and required sensibilities too difficult to articulate. For example, in the late late evening of our last anniversary, I called him and said, “Hey, I have something to tell you.” To which he chuckled and replied, “Yes indeed, you do.” I then proceeded to tell him that I thought the inground pool needed to be shocked because there were tiny flecks of algae growing along the liner and I hated for that to become an expensive problem so we should get on the fix in the AM. He laughed out loud and I giggled to myself and said, “I’ll be home, later.” Of course, at about 11:45 pm, I arrived at our house with all kinds of specially selected presents, beautifully wrapped, which I knew he would love.

And he did. And we laughed at the fact that I knew that he thought I forgot. Believe me, it was good times. In all this joke-ishness, I forgot the card. I always completely and utterly forget the card! It’s maddening. I mean to get the card but then I run out of time and I end up having to take a little 3 x 5 card and write something silly on it because I don’t want to give a gift and not say anything. I know I’m not alone in this negligence. I know that cards are often an afterthought and expensive, but still, it stinks to give a gift without any card attached.

I recommend bulk cards, particularly bulk anniversary cards because when you buy bulk anniversary cards, you’re hooked up for a very long time, perhaps even the life of the marriage. Say you purchase a box of 50 bulk anniversary cards and you get married when you are 20 years old. That takes you to your 70th year and you never have to worry about getting a card last minute or explaining why your gift has no accompanying card to go with it. You’re covered. And then you can play ignorant, self-absorbed spouse all you want.

You had enough selflessness to buy him a card. Way ahead of time. And if all else fails, you can slip a gift card inside one of these bulk anniversary cards and voila. Ici–an entirely respectable anniversary gift, happened. Anniversaries are hard in that it’s difficult to buy your spouse something you’re convinced they will love. In many casesm I hear one spouse say about the other, “If they want it, they’ll go out and buy it themselves.” And that’s true. If someone really wants something, most of the time, they will buy it themselves.

Except when they won’t. In my case, I walk around hinting at things about a month or so, beforehand. I let my kids know that if they ever want to buy something for me, that I’d really love a silver tennis bracelet…or whatever the case may be. Then I forget about it and pretend I don’t even notice someone forgot my birthday or anniversary because I know quite well, they’re just faking it.